Rain-Bo in the Sky

I wanted to tell you a story,

But sadly it is not my story to tell.

I wanted to tell of a peaceful birth,

where a beautiful little babe was born to me

and our souls first met earth side

by gazing into each other’s eyes

I wanted to talk of his soft and sweet smelling skin

His tiny little fingers as they wrapped around one of my mine.

I wanted to hear his sweet little sounds,

the sounds that can only be made and come from heaven

I wanted to see his sweet smile –

one that would have lit up the whole entire world

I want to be holding him, kissing him, loving him

I had looked forward to the stories I would tell

Of all of his first’s,

Of all the wonderful things his big brother would share

Of the all the cute times I would see dad napping alongside his son

I so badly want all of those stories that mothers tell

Those stories as they raise their children and watch them grow

But that story is no longer mine to tell

Instead, my story is of a painful birth and loss

A loss that causes unbearably suffocating pain

So suffocating that if it were not for my living son and spouse,

I would wish to not awake – to have followed my son to heaven.

My story is filled with so many tears that belong not just to me,

But to so many around me

My story is a story that no one wants to tell

But it has to be told

It’s not fair, I know

So many new mommas and babies I know –

Why are they so lucky to be holding their babes now and not me?

My story is a story that no one wants to hear

But it has to be told

For I am not the first, nor last mother

That will lose their child at birth

That will carry unbelievable grief and sorrow

And have a sad story to tell

Why must we tell our sad, sad story?

So that our babies are never forgotten

So that their blessed souls can be remembered in heaven

So that these mothers will never be forgotten in prayer

So that these mothers can one day find peace

My beautiful beautiful beautiful son,

My Bo,

He is trying to help me find peace

For he has sent me messages both now and before

I know he knows that I love him

I know he knows of the story I had wished to tell

He is trying oh so hard to offer me peace

And I am trying so hard feel it

But this peace is not just for me you see

It’s a reminder for all of humanity

That there is a heaven where we are all meant to be

And even amongst the deepest sorrow

The feeling that you are on the brink of hell

There is love

Only pure, pure love

My son did not stay long enough to know anything else

He is truly an angel looking upon all of us

Reminding us all of that pure, pure love

So the next time you look up into sky,

And you are blessed to see a rain-Bo

Know that that is our son

Blessing all of us

Offering all of us peace and pure love

Reminding us all of what awaits us when we arrive in heaven